So, you just met someone, and you’re completely over the moon. Unfortunately, sometimes your partner might not be on the same page as you are. Here are the red flags to look for early on so your heart doesn’t get crushed.
“Commitment” isn’t in his vocab
If your partner gets antsy when you bring up the “C” word, it could mean that he isn’t ready for a real relationship with you. “If someone avoids the topics of commitment or exclusivity like the plague, it’s probably a sign that they don’t see any longer-term future with you,” explains Rabbi Shlomo Zalman Bregman, a rabbi and matchmaker based in New York City. “Obviously, the appropriateness of this talk, and what it might look like, will vary depending upon the stage of your relationship (i.e. eight weeks vs. 52 weeks). However, if your partner takes you seriously, he will realize this is a reasonable human expectation and be open to talking about it, and want to address your feelings,” explains Bregman. Find out the signs that your relationship is solid as a rock.
You’ve never met friends or family
If you’re hoping to meet her friends and family but your partner prefers to keep those relationships separate, it could be a major red flag. “Someone who views you as a fling will only make last-minute plans that always entail her leaving what she’s doing and breaking off from her group to come see you, alone,” says Bregman. What’s more, “if someone is really in to you, she will eventually want to show you off—she’ll want the broader circle of people she cares about to know that she’s met someone terrific,” he adds. And, if she puts friends before you on a regular basis, it could also mean he doesn’t take you seriously as a potential future partner and a sign that you’re headed to a breakup.
It’s purely physical
Sure, physical attraction is super important for a successful relationship, but if you’re banking solely on that connection, it could mean that you’re in a “fling,” as opposed to a serious commitment. “There are many facets to a relationship, including the emotional, social, and spiritual. Being physically involved with someone else is only one possible point of connection with another human being,” says Bregman. He adds, “If the person you’re seeing is only interested in physically connecting with you, to the exclusion of all others, it probably means that he’s not trying to get to know you very deeply and a sure sign that their intentions for this relationship will remain in the realm of the casual and superficial.” On the other hand, someone who is envisioning a possible future with you will ask you a lot of personal questions that cover a broad spectrum of life’s experiences and will want to get to know you on a multitude of levels. Thinking about taking it to the next level? Here are the questions you must ask before moving in together.